so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
