PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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