and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
