I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
zippers are such a cool invention
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
