No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
