the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
