Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
