I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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