Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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