and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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