Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
