after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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