Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she pinky promised me she was 18
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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