Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
this must be what syphilis tastes like
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
