meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
