so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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