Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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