hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
