if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
