I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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