Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize