Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
