We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
