Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize