yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
