i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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