Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
