so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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