he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
