Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
