So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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