You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
