Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
