Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
