If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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