I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
