i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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