I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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