No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
