Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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