Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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