Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
