my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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