he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
