Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
