Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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