oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
