We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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