so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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