If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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