I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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