He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
