I'm really into asian looking animals
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
