If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
