Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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