My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Let's paint friendship bongs
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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