That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
