I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize