i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
