Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
