Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
