it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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