so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
