i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
