I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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