no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
