dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
