And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
