Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
