I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
