am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
