You can't motorboat a personality
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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