If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
