you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
