Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
