just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize