I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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