SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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