You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
