She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
