i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
