I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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