i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
operation harelip BJ is a go
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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