Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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