i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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