I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
