Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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