Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
