i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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