On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
