Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
