I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
