I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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