think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
