Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
