Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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