Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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