I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
