Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have post one night stand depression
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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