you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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