I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
