Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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