I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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