well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
